Twin Flame Roller-Coaster Ride

Since some 2 months I’ve been watching weekly Twin Flame Tarot readings. I find they are really helpful and insightful, and always spot on.
I just watched this week’s reading again, because when I first saw it it didn’t resonate with me at all. For the first time. Now it does resonate. I’m in a different place now than I was a few days ago. I was quite stable, loving etc. now I’m questioning the whole thing again.
The number of times I have thought of ending it, unreal. I never thought I’d get to that place with him, clearly I was wrong.
I was trying to get clear whether or not my boundaries were being crossed. That happened too often in the past and I don’t want that again. Ever. Problem is that because it happened so often, most of my life really, I find it incredibly hard to define when they are being trampled on or if I’m just thinking they are.

What I realized after watching the weekly TF reading is that it is my ego. My ego is screaming and is scared. Scared that this relationship will go the way it went in the past. That he is treating me the way my narcissistic ex was treating me. Then I have to use common sense -after I’ve calmed myself- to clearly see what is really going on. And then decide it’s okay. As I type this, my panicking ego still doesn’t agree.
Nothing I can do right now can or will improve anything, if nothing else it will likely force a breakup. Somehow my ego thinks that could be best, because then at least it won’t get hurt. And my boundaries won’t get broken. But that in itself is a sign that I do not trust myself to take care of my boundaries when the time calls for it which is not now. I feel like forcing things because I want to know now. I need to know now. Have clarity now. It’s my hurt ego who wants and needs that.
A very unempowered place to be at, it stems from a deep inner fear, not from inner stability. And it’s not a place of the empowered feminine which can go with the flow and trust.
This is really so hard. Every time I think I’ve reached inner stability and security, I find out that yes, it is there at times, more often than ever before. It is growing, the duration of it too. But it’s not rock solid yet. I still wobble. I still doubt and question things and then end up being afraid.

If things between him and me would continue the way they are now, I am not going to be happy. It’s not what I want. I know that. But right now it is okay. For the simple reason that I need this time to manifest my own things, to have these old fears and wounds come up so I can heal them.
Do I like it? Not so much. It would be much easier and thus nicer to have him come running to me all the time, wanting to be with me, and doing all he can to make that happen.
Would that make me happy in the long run? I think not, because it would be too co-dependent and smothering. I don’t want a man like that. Right now it would sooth me, would reassure my scared ego. But that’s not what I need. I need to sooth my ego myself. Get rid of all these frigging doubts and fears.
If then he comes running to me, I can receive him from a place of empowerment.

It really doesn’t make sense how the ego or psyche works? In a way I am content with not seeing him very often right now. At the same time my wounded ego gets pissed off with him for not missing me and trying to be with me.

Why is this so hard and why does it take so long? And why can’t I have this scared ego surgically removed? -grin.

I’ll get there, I don’t doubt that for a second. Then hopefully this roller-coaster ride will become a nice boat trip. I don’t like roller-coasters. And when on a boat trip you got time to take in the scenery. It would allow me to relax, dip my hand in the water and feel the water flow around my hand, soft and caressing, the sun warming my skin, a gentle breeze through my hair.
How I’d love that!



Twin Flames, quite the journey!

I’d like to tell you a bit about my own personal experience with my Twin Flame. I’m going to mix it up with the things I’ve read and heard elsewhere.
If you’re reading this, you likely take an interest because you have met your Twin Flame or feel you are about to. I hope my story can contribute to your own discovery!

The reason I’m writing my story, while there’s already so much out there on the net, is quite simple: A lot of what I came across isn’t positive, sometimes not right (or at least I feel it isn’t, to each their own of course). What I’ve noticed in the ‘Twin Flame’ community -aka ‘talk about this subject on fora- is that there’s a lot of confusion when people first stumble upon the phenomenon. And a lot of negativity as there are many people who thought they had met their Twin Flame, only to have the relationship end up badly. Many of those who went through that got negative and sometimes even hostile towards people who have met their Twin Flame. Now I understand you can get hurt badly, haven’t we all been there at some point or other? But to start spewing negativity is such a shame. Not only for themselves, but also because it confuses many others who are still finding their way concerning Twin Flames and what it all means. And of course they feed this ‘cloud’ of negativity. I think there must be an ‘anti-Twin Flame’ collective by now, created by all this. I am smiling as I’m typing this, I like a bit of humour you see, but in actual fact it is quite sad to think that there is truth to it…
I am still shocked to see that some 90% or more of what is being discussed on fora about Twin Flames is negative and/or hostile.

So… I am aiming to spread some positive vibes about the subject. I think the ones who are with their Twin or take a serious interest can really do with it. I know I can!

Goal of Twin Flame Reunion & Reunion (or not)
From here on I will refer to Twin Flame with TF.
Many people hold the belief that getting together with your TF is about having the ultimate love relationship. It would be very romantic, but a TF relationship goes beyond the personal and individual needs and desires. Of course you can still have romance and love, but that is not the goal of this relationship. It truly is a union of two people who have done quite a lot of personal growth and have thus also worked through a lot of issues. Because of that, they have a broader understanding of life, the universe, and everything. Some may not really be consciously aware of that. I always find it difficult to phrase this correct, because oftentimes people perceive it as judgemental, and there’s nothing judgemental about it. Some are simply further on their path of development and where you are is just right. There’s no right and wrong, no better and no worse. Regardless of where you are, it is just right.
But people who are ready for a Twin Flame relationship have come far enough on their path to be able to handle a real high vibrational relationship with a goal that goes beyond personal.
The goal is to assist the ascension process of the individual and the planet. When TFs get together they generate an energy that will do this. The more TFs get together, the stronger this energy gets. And this combined energy helps to raise the energy of other people, to help them in their ascension process, to help them awaken. It also raises vibration of relationships all over the world. And all this higher energy will help the planet.
Of course this can only happen when TFs get together in love and joy. For many it is difficult, some never come to reunion, others break up.
Also bear in mind that not every TF couple is meant to come together in a romantic relationship (this life). The bond, however, can never be broken.
Why they don’t get or stay together… I’m not an expert. One could speculate. One TF or neither are truly ready yet for this high vibrational relationship. Or maybe reunion clashes with another task or lesson a soul has set out for this lifetime and the TFs will come together in another life. And maybe the person you feel is your TF is not truly your TF. I’ve seen this a lot online, and many people are very disappointed and hurt when they find out. But please remember, meeting and reuniting with your TF is not the ultimate goal in life. Finding true happiness in life is, and you do not need your TF for that. I repeat, you do NOT need your TF for that!
If nothing else, a TF relationship is not per say something to be envious of. Like I said before, it’s not about lovey dovey romantic stuff, it is about the higher goal. So it’s about serving a higher purpose, not about meeting Prince Charming or the Sleeping Beauty, walking off in the sunset together and living happily ever after.
Please, please bear that in mind!

What happens when you meet?
hart_vlamsThere’s an instant connection. You recognize each other. It feels good.
And in most cases you trigger each other. Old fears and doubts and insecurities come up in a way they have never come up before. This is because your TF is the other half of you and can touch you on deeper levels than anyone else could before.
You will have to work through all these ego things before the two of you can have reunion. Not just you, both. And since you cannot control what they are going to do, you can only do your own part of this process.
Typically you will not reunite until this purging is done. You can be in touch, involved even, but usually there will be circumstances that will prevent the two of you coming together. As in living together or getting closer, more involved. Oftentimes these circumstances are external, meaning they’re out of your control. This is to prevent you from prematurely rushing into something that won’t last when you or both aren’t ready yet while it’s meant to last (at some point, not necessarily this lifetime!!).
This purging, the things that come up, can be extremely intense. So much so that it can scare some off, meaning reuniting will become difficult or unlikely. One important thing to come to terms with is co-dependency. In a TF relationship there is no space for that. You both have to stand on your own two feet, not expect the other to fill in a void, and not make them responsible for your happiness. In a way they are the icing on the cake, you have to learn to make your own cake. So co-dependency and TF relationship do not go together. It has to be interdependent.
Logical, because if you cannot bake your own cake yet, need someone else to do this for you still, you are also not ready to carry the higher purpose of TFs. Again, this is not judgement on my part, nor punishment from the universe. It’s sheer logic. You cannot run when you haven’t learnt to walk just yet. And like we don’t punish a baby for not being able to walk or run right away, you shouldn’t punish yourself either. Things take time.
Some TFs might also do a runner because the connection is so deep that it scares them. It’s quite something to meet someone who is your other half, who truly gets you and can touch you in ways no one else has done before.

Here’s some interesting links for you if you want to know more. I only give links to sites that I feel are good and give solid info. And never to sites that come up with overly biased and/or negative views. That doesn’t serve TFs at all. I want to help build a ‘cloud’ of positive stuff about TFs. To nourish the positive TF collective 🙂
I hope you are with me on this! And by all means do check back, because I have more to tell.
In my next posting I will come up with a list of signs that he/she is likely to be your TF. And I will give you my personal experiences with that.
If you like my posting, please leave me a like and some feedback! It’s nice to be appreciated.

What are Twin Flames?
Purpose of TFs
Twinflame Reunion

Lots of love